Please note, I did not choose to have a cat. I’m not quite of the wholesale cat loathing persuasion that my mum and dad both favour, but let’s just say I can take them or leave them.
My introduction to said cat introduced itself to me on my 3rd night in my new home. Sadly, it didn’t come up and curl around my legs, purring gently as I stroked its head and tickled its tummy. Instead it chose to have an almighty screaming match at four in the morning. I lay awake listening to the death like screeches from the cat and bangs and clatters from what I assumed was everything on my balcony being thrown around and/or torn to shreds in the melee. The noise was so loud that at one point I actually feared the fight was taking place inside my apartment.
When daylight came I tentatively approached the front door to survey the damage, but was amazed to see not a peg, chair or plant leaf was out of place. However, sitting staring at me from the other side of the glass was the cat sporting a distinctly nonplussed expression in response to my appearance. A quick tap on the glass, cat fled and I gave the matter no more thought (I’m learning that my apartment walls do nothing to deaden sounds and I’m pretty sure they magnify them so assumed the cat frolics had taken place elsewhere on the street).
Fast forward to this morning and I head out on to the terrace for what has now become my morning routine (meditation followed by a brew, brekkie and my book). I stood looking out along the street and suddenly heard the familiar screech of the cat. Turning round I saw it sitting by my table glaring at me and as I moved closer it started making continuous, hideous screechy noises. It dawned on me at this point that my assumption that the cat had chosen me was in fact incorrect. I fear the truth may be that I have inadvertently moved in on what this cat sees as it’s territory. And boy did it defend it fiercely – there was evil in its eyes, in its screeches and in every ounce of its demeanour.
Despite my attempts to stare evil cat down it did not budge and so l rattled the chair menacingly causing it to flee to the relative safety of the stairs where it continued to shriek and wail at me for what seemed like forever.
I dumbly stared at it again thinking this time my angry get lost vibes would get through but no – evil cat was having none of it. Our stand-off continued with evil cat getting louder by the second and it soon became apparent that something would have to change or we would soon have the whole street out on their balconies wondering what the hell was going on.
I reached for the gate lock, twisting it forcefully at which point evil cat leaped off the step it had perched on and flew down the stairs two at a time.
A little research once at work has led me to discover that cats don’t like a combination of citrus, vinegar and rosemary so guess what I’ll be buying on my way home tonight (along with another spray bottle to go alongside the one already purchased to dispense cockroach repellent).
Sadly, this is war! Evil cat has to go. Cat lovers rest assured I won’t hurt it, but I can’t have it in my space. Thanks to Google I now know that some of the symptoms of rabies in cats are aggression, restlessness and increased vocalisation – sound familiar??
I will fight evil cat with fragrance, making my home both cat free and sweet smelling in the process.