An hour of yoga and meditation, a wander to the bank to get cash and then two hours spent reading whilst sipping really good coffee and munching on a smoked salmon and poached egg (slightly overdone sadly) bagel. That’s what my Sunday morning looked like this week.
My Saturday morning had a similar decadent feel. I headed to the gym before swimming for an hour, relaxing and reading in the sun and then heading off for a brunch of pancakes and syrup accompanied by delicious red tea with lime.
Afternoons were spent at home noodling, doodling and generally just being and the evenings pretty much the same.
The decadence of my weekdays is only interrupted by the routine of going to work. But even that is decadent as the slow Cambodian pace and primitive understanding of effective learning and development strategy mean my work days aren’t overly challenging.
And whilst I’m aware of how privileged I am to have this lifestyle it doesn’t always sit comfortably with me.
Yesterday as the day wore on, questions and judgements started to swirl around in my head:
- When will I get a real job?
- Will I ever grow up and settle down?
- Why can’t I find the drive and ambition that other people have?
- People think what I’m doing is hard. It isn’t and I’m a fraud.
- I should be doing x, y and z.
- Am I just playing at life?
- Why am I so lazy?
I could go on but then I’ll just drag myself (and possibly you) back down with the constant recriminations.
And so instead I’ll share with you what I finally told that bloody Chimp Norman yesterday when I stupidly allowed him space in my head with all of those questions and digs:
Yes, I am playing at life and that is ok! I express gratitude for my good fortune every day and hope that it will last for a long time to come. This is my path right and now and if you don’t like it you can damn well bugger off and leave me to it because I’m having the time of my life.
And at that I made myself a soda and lime and sat down to indulge in some decadent TV viewing whilst Norman scuttled back to his dark corner where he belongs.