Playing at Life

An hour of yoga and meditation, a wander to the bank to get cash and then two hours spent reading whilst sipping really good coffee and munching on a smoked salmon and poached egg (slightly overdone sadly) bagel.  That’s what my Sunday morning looked like this week.

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My Saturday morning had a similar decadent feel.  I headed to the gym before swimming for an hour, relaxing and reading in the sun and then heading off for a brunch of pancakes and syrup accompanied by delicious red tea with lime.

 

Afternoons were spent at home noodling, doodling and generally just being and the evenings pretty much the same.

 

The decadence of my weekdays is only interrupted by the routine of going to work.  But even that is decadent as the slow Cambodian pace and primitive understanding of effective learning and development strategy mean my work days aren’t overly challenging.

 

And whilst I’m aware of how privileged I am to have this lifestyle it doesn’t always sit comfortably with me.

 

Yesterday as the day wore on, questions and judgements started to swirl around in my head:

 

  • When will I get a real job?
  • Will I ever grow up and settle down?
  • Why can’t I find the drive and ambition that other people have?
  • People think what I’m doing is hard.  It isn’t and I’m a fraud.
  • I should be doing x, y and z.
  • Am I just playing at life?
  • Why am I so lazy?

 

I could go on but then I’ll just drag myself (and possibly you) back down with the constant recriminations.

 

And so instead I’ll share with you what I finally told that bloody Chimp Norman yesterday when I stupidly allowed him space in my head with all of those questions and digs:

 

Yes, I am playing at life and that is ok!  I express gratitude for my good fortune every day and hope that it will last for a long time to come.  This is my path right and now and if you don’t like it you can damn well bugger off and leave me to it because I’m having the time of my life.

 

And at that I made myself a soda and lime and sat down to indulge in some decadent TV viewing whilst Norman scuttled back to his dark corner where he belongs.

 

6 thoughts on “Playing at Life

  1. Having had a difficult few years, I have learned to grab life ‘by the balls’ take each day as it comes and ‘love life’; enjoy every minute as it could be your last.. Enough proverbs, but you get my drift, I think you should enjoy every second. xx

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  2. Correction: epithets NOT proverbs, been bothering me all day. xx

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  3. Ya know, every single point that was cluttering up your mind is EXACTLY …. and I do mean exactly what I think to myself every single day. It was so accurate it actually made me laugh! No bad thing!! Have decided to give teaching another go after saying never again for a a while. Realised I do actually miss it…and it pays better than the NHS Admin rate. We shall see what transpires. Take care. Xxx

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  4. Hello lovely lady! Finally got a bit of time to look you up and this was the first post I read. Last night I was chatting with some very special women about that voice in our heads. Call it a chimp or whatever, and we were observing how it speaks to us. We concluded that it is the one who makes us doubt ourselves, who tells us we don’t look good in this or that, who points out all our stupidities and mess ups and beats us up with them! We decided that if we had a friend like that, we’d have dumped her long ago! So here’s to playing at life and silencing negative voices, we just don’t need them. Speak soon, I hope. Celine x

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