If a living could be made out of righteous indignation, I would sure as anything be sitting pretty by now. Over the years I have mastered the art of railing against injustice, fighting the good fight and generally being annoyed at the world. More recently I’ve tried really hard to temper my militant tendencies and have been heard on more than one occasion uttering the marvellous Polish Proverb “Not my circus, not my monkeys” as I fight the desire to jump in and fight for the underdog at every opportunity.
This week, for reasons I won’t go in to, righteous indignation came to visit me here in Cambodia and unfortunately this time it was my circus and it was my monkeys and so the battle commenced.
There was an increasingly profanity infused What’s App exchange with St Vicky which eventually led to a frantic tear filled What’s App call which St Vic handled with aplomb whilst squashed on a packed commuter train from Horwich to Manchester.
Her words made sense, she was giving good advice, I knew she was right but even so…..
Once I was alone in my office Norman arrived full of bluster and kicked off.
“Well, you handled that well!” he snarled, sarcasm oozing from every pore, “Bloody drama queen, crying!” “Made a right fool of yourself!”
Unfortunately for Norman, righteous indignation (lets call her Ria) has a voice of her own and that voice booms much louder than anything Norman can muster when she’s in full swing.
“It’s a bloody disgrace!”
“I cannot believe they’ve done this!”
“I’m not putting up with it!”
Indignant statements exhausted, she then moved on to ‘I’m going to…’ as, like a meeting of script writers for an EastEnders meets Emmerdale Christmas special, increasingly melodramatic scenarios played out in my head as Ria planned revenge and ways to right the wrong.
And suddenly, in amongst the noise of righteously indignant Ria and shrieking Norman the Chimp I noticed her. There she sat, quietly cowering, not daring to come out and show herself.
The true Sara.
The one that was ever so sad and just a little bit lonely, but as usual swamped by the much more comfortable feelings of anger in the form of righteous indignation and self-loathing.
She deserved my attention and so for once I used righteous indignation to my advantage. I quickly and quietly chided Norman and Ria for storming in as usual and stomping all over my true feelings.
And then I got on with the really important stuff. Acknowledging the sadness, being kind to myself and healing the hurt.
And a couple of days on I’m pleased to say I’m healed. And by allowing the sadness space and dealing with it the anger and frustration subsided too and I’m able to move on.
Flipping heck, it’s like I’m becoming a grown up!!!!!!