Toilet troubles

Travel to Asia and it’s pretty much guaranteed that, before long, talk will turn to all things toilet and bowels.

Wrong as it may be to discuss the texture, size and noises associated with your number 2 in everyday life in the UK, in Cambodia all bets are off  and seemingly no discussion is taboo (remember the response to the “I’ve got diarrhoea comment in my training session back in December?  If not, check it out here: Stress and half formed stories ).

I knew that having my family visit would bring up some interesting and entertaining toilet stories; mum and I still howl laughing at her encounter in the loos of the train station in Changzhou, China when mum gallantly stepped back to let everyone go before her only to be waved through like the queen to go squat in front of the gathered crowd.

So here’s a few of the more memorable ones from the last couple of weeks for you to laugh or squirm at as you wish:

Approaching the bank of 12 toilets at the Bayon Temple to discover they were all squats.  Not a problem for Victoria or myself who have both experienced them before but a revelation for Grace, especially when she went in with Victoria and got sprayed thanks to her mum’s poor aim.

A regular stool update from Grace including one about the length of her poo complete with hand gestures delivered poolside in front of a group of unsuspecting sunbathers.

The contortionists toilet on the Slowboat to Battambang where the stance required to do your business was worthy of an advanced yoga pose being named after it, the river water lapped up through the squat hole as you balanced precariously, the stench was worthy of an oscar and the door didn’t lock properly.

Discovering a few days later that Darryl visited the above toilet barefoot!

Victoria disappearing off to the loo for a considerable time and coming back with a huge grin on her face brought about by having nearly blocked the loo with a ginormous poo followed by a large amount of noisy splattering.  The grin becoming uproarious laughter as the tale unfolded and Darryl’s face registered his utter disgust.

Emily locking herself in the loo of the bus from Bangkok to Siem Reap, a sit down affair this time but again stinking to high heaven with a dodgy lock and no light and a bus driver who liked speeds over 90kmph.

Explaining the bum gun to Grace and her excitedly declaring she’d used it after her next ‘visit’.

And just in case you think me mean laughing at the misfortune of my family I’ve just remembered one of my many toilet tales from 17 years ago in Vietnam where a cough led to an uncomfortable and rushed walk back to my guesthouse followed by a shower and some serious laundry powder usage – I’ll let you figure it out!!!!

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