The week that was

This week has had a definite downhill momentum to it.  In fairness, I started it tired after a fabulous weekend spending time with friends from around the world visiting Kampot for the New Year, but no matter how hard I battled the slump continued and grew.  Chatting to friends online and reading around it seems that a lot of people are experiencing the same feelings and there’s cosmic energy at play and so with that in mind I’m trying really hard to not give myself a hard time or let Norman have free reign which can only serve to make matters worse.

 

That said, as I feel myself very slightly manoeuvring my way out of the slump (it’s 7.30am and I’m dressed, out of the house at a café in town writing this) I’ve decided to take all the ‘shoulds’, ‘woulds’ and ‘coulds’ and put them on paper (well a screen) to share them with you, in an attempt to further break the cycle.  So here goes, Sara’s stream of consciousness for the week ending 22nd April 2017:

 

Things that I thought about (over and over) that would help:

  • Doing yoga
  • Going for a bike ride
  • Reading a book
  • Listening to music
  • Stopping the constant mind numbing surfing of social media
  • Writing to you guys
  • Doing my Khmer homework
  • Talking to people in Khmer
  • Getting off the bed
  • Switching the laptop off
  • Having a shower and getting dressed before 3pm
  • Not picking up my phone the moment that I wake
  • Eating proper meals and not mindlessly snacking

 

Things that I did that didn’t help:

  • Only thought about and didn’t do yoga
  • Ditto bike riding
  • Ditto writing
  • Ditto reading
  • Ditto listening to music
  • Ditto Khmer homework and speaking practice
  • Didn’t get dressed before 3pm on 3 days this week
  • Picked up my phone the moment that I woke on every day this week and read shite on it for over an hour before even getting up for a pee or having a drink
  • Mindlessly surfed Facebook, Twitter and Instagram for hour after hour (and when even that dross wasn’t enough, scrolled through LinkedIn FFS!!!!)
  • Having caught up on all the usual Real Housewives suspects (including the ridiculously awful Cheshire version), Vanderpump Rules, The Good Fight, Scandal, Made in Chelsea (can’t believe I’m admitting to that one) & Car Share within minutes of them appearing on the streaming site, resorting to gorming at even more super shite TV in the form of:
    • Benidorm – they really are scraping the bottom of the barrel with the latest series
    • The Sheriffs are Coming – Did you know there’s 6 seasons of this programme and in the last week I’ve caught up with 3 of them!!
      Second Chance Summer, Tuscany – I quite enjoyed this series which is from the creators of the Real Exotic Marigold Hotel. The only thing that would improve it is a cameo appearance by the fabulously irreverent, burpy, farty, Miriam Margolyes.
    • The Amazing Race – I was addicted to this series when I lived in China, waiting all week for 9 o’clock Wednesday night to arrive so that I could watch the next episode and obsessively talking about the contestants in it to anyone who would listen (and even to those who didn’t)
    • And the piece de resistance in my car crash tv viewing:
      • Just tattoo of us – A show where ‘friends’ choose a tattoo and it’s placement for the other who has no idea what’s being permanently inked on them. Series one highlight was female cousins, one of whom decided to ‘brand’ her relation with “SLUT” in red capital letters on her arse!!!
    • Cancelled a meeting and missed a Khmer class because of a headache and immediately felt guilty but relieved at the same time
    • Woke naturally at 6 then went back to sleep until 12 (not once this week, but twice)
    • Lay in bed with a cup of tea and a packet of biscuits, consumed the whole packet and then thought about getting another packet out of the fridge (the only thing that stopped me being my CBA attitude to being vertical as opposed to horizontal on my bed). And for the record this happened on more than one occasion on more than one day.
    • Read the news and got anxious about the whole general election shite, the only conclusion I reached being that Theresa May scares the bejesus out of me and we’re all doomed!

 

But, in the spirit of balance, here’s a few good things that I did that slowed the decline:

  • Met up with an amazing woman who runs a social enterprise here to talk about working with them. I start next week WHOOP WHOOP!!!!
  • Forced myself to go to the other two Khmer classes this week despite wanting to stay home (including having to walk on Wednesday because some cheeky guests at my guesthouse had the nerve to use all the bikes).
  • Laughed like a drain in Khmer class on Friday as our attempts to form coherent sentences took on a’ Mind your Language’ quality.
  • Only watched 1.5 hours of TV yesterday and instead read a book from cover to cover. A fabulous story called Shtum about a family with a son with severe autism.
  • Made couscous for tea one evening even though I really wanted the packet of crisps which lay oh so temptingly on top of the fridge winking at me.
  • Chatted with good friends and my gorgeous sister – the best therapy ever.
  • Acknowledged that each and every point on the first two lists was purely a moment in time and not a reflection on who I fundamentally am.

So there you have it.  My messy head on a page.  Wherever you’re reading this I hope that you’re either sailing smoothly on, or if like me you’re caught up in the spiral, are at least cutting yourself some slack safe in the knowledge that ‘this too shall pass’.

 

 

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