This is exactly what it says it is, a collection of the random sh*t that has happened to me or around me in the last couple of weeks….
Arriving home one day to discover I can now get a free, full body fish massage in a kids paddling pool on our drive, courtesy of Mr FlashPacker and his latest mad cap scheme for world domination
When the pedal fell of my bike and the very helpful girls at the roadside stall tried to fix it by whacking it with a plank of wood despite me pointing out the thread and trying to twist it. When the observing crowd hit 15, and just at the point the plank came precariously close to my hand that was stupidly holding the pedal stem I made my excuses and pushed the bike the remaining 200 yards home
On one of the rare occasion that I decided to work on my terrace (the number of weirdos around the place now means I spend most of my time working indoors to avoid the distraction), getting drawn in to passive aggressive music volume games with my (I foolishly thought this one was relatively sane) neighbour. The man who has played John Williams acoustic guitar on a loop from 12.00-5.30pm every day (this version of Cavatina comes on at 2.40 and 4.15 – feel free to check it out and share my pain) took umbrage at me choosing to listen to Ken Bruce al fresco and switched the acoustic hell for some 80s pop at what I thought was full volume. I, being the mature rational adult that I am, turned the radio on my phone up to full volume only for looney tunes next door to hit the next level. At this point, whilst yelling “what the F**K is your actual problem”, I headed in doors, grabbed my speaker, connected it up and hit the plus button on the volume. Take that you acoustic guitar torture monger!
Going for a pee at 5 in the morning to be greeted by the blackest spider I’ve ever seen sprawled across my scrunchy sponge thing. In case you’re wondering, I yet again failed as a Buddhist – when will these creatures learn that my home is exactly that – MINE!
And while we’re on the subject of creatures. Would the mutant ninja rat family that have moved into the roof space to eat unripe mangoes every night please just bugger off. Even though I know you’re there, you dragging said mangoes directly and scratching away at them above my head in bed freaks me out every time it happens.
Knowing that Mr Flashpacker has been pimping out his bungalow as a homestay since he moved in, but recently discovering that he’s actually advertising it on Booking.com (check it out – an absolute bargain at only $10 night with breakfast). Suddenly the recent influx of random backpackers wandering aimlessly up and down outside my terrace makes perfect sense
Going to throw the rubbish out on Sunday morning and discovering the full body fish massage paddling pool in a deflated heap next to the bins. Damn – missed my opportunity there.
Just your average week or two in the Kingdom of Wonder!