I’m coming to the end of my brief spell teaching the English as a Second Language class in the lovely little home school in town and have been busy writing handover notes for my successor.
Whilst trying very hard to remain professional whilst writing this document, I couldn’t help but think how much easier it would be if I could just describe the children in terms of their animal characteristics and so, that is exactly what I’m going to do for you now.
Often found hanging onto the back of your legs or jumping off furniture, mischievous monkey enjoys tipping boxes and buckets of things on the floor and also wiping his/her hands all over the chalk board before smacking you on the bum. Permanent ants in pants means mischievous monkey will generally spin/crawl and twist around throughout any activity. Has a tendency to wear trousers one size too big and therefore needs chasing around and hoisting back into said trousers whilst monkey is all the time trying to wriggle free.
Spaced out sloth
A vague ‘lights are on but nobody’s home’ look haunts the eyes of sullen sloth. Often seen with mouth hanging open languidly, spaced out sloth finds it impossible to sit up straight and generally resembles a puppet whose strings have gone slack when sat in circle time. Living in a world of his/her own creation, spaced out sloth will generally find something to do out of the activities on offer and do it they ill, very slowly and over and over again.
Prattling away ten to the dozen, sadly most of what chattering chimp has to say is incomprehensible to human ears. Another character who likes to jump off things they also like to use your left arm as a swing/pull along toy. Volunteers for everything without a clue what they’re volunteering for.
The sulky child in class, stubborn mule likes to get his/her own way and tries to do so by sulking and crying. Yet to work out that his teacher is the queen of ignoring sulkers, can be seen muttering under his/her breath whilst dramatically folding arms and harrumphing if they aren’t allowed to take part in their first choice activity or ignore an instruction to not put hands up to get a go in a game. When not sulking, stubborn mule is determined to get their message across – by saying the same thing (only partially comprehensibly) fifty two times in an hour.
King of the jungle
The king of the jungle has self appointed as teacher, criticising other creatures for their slovenly manners, use of Khmer in class or inappropriate behaviour. Sadly, has also adopted a stance of do as I say, not as I do this creature regularly models the behaviours so unacceptable in others.
Those little tiny tots who are sooooo cute you want to squeeze them. Often pop up from behind a table or chair when least expected or cuddle in groups in the reading corner adorably ‘reading’ together. Require frequent naps and toilet trips but OMG they’re just soooooo cute.
The biggest creature in the class. This curious creature of a certain age takes significantly longer than the rest of the zoo to sit down in or get up from circle town. Constantly pushing her glasses up her nose, wiping beads of sweat from her temples and trying not to drip on the children’s artwork, sweaty moose excelled herself this week by sporting not only a salt ring from sweat around her neck but two extremely distinctive sweat circles rimmed with sweat on her boobs. This creature ages 2 years for every 2 weeks spent in the classroom and has been known to resort to alcohol consumption as a result of such work.
So there you have it, the creatures in my class. Oh what fun we have!