Blind Panic (and a plea)

I wrote last week about not wanting to acknowledge the year is coming to an end.  But the fact is it is and that means that it’s not long until my contract with VSO comes to an end too.

I’ve known about this since the start, I’ve been thinking about the what next since the start but now that it’s actually just around the corner I’ve gone into one of my favourite modes – blind panic!

This state is a well worn path for me – I’ve been there many times.  When blind panic hits I do a few things:

Firstly, I mull over options incessantly.  From the minute I wake, to the minute I go to sleep (and sometimes in my dreams) the options for the future are circling round and round in my head).

Next, I discount all of the options circling in my head due to the many and varying flaws in my character (laziness, fear of poverty, lack of motivation, inability to work for anyone being just a few that immediately come to mind).

Then, the fear created by the first and second step leads to paralysis.  I literally DO nothing.  I sit (or if I can get away with it – lie) and ruminate, in the process doing no work, no reading, no writing, no creative stuff, no yoga, no meditation – in short non of the stuff that makes me feel good about myself and helps me make good decisions.

Actually, the above is not 100% true.  I do DO somethings.  Firstly, I sleep lots (it stops my brain sometimes and also gives me another stick to beat myself with – lazy cow staying in bed instead of blah blah blah, you get the picture) and I binge watch shite TV.  This week’s shite of choice has been the whole 6 series of Sex and the City courtesy of a new streaming site my hairdresser introduced me to.

Doing the above results in me feeling even more crap about myself and that, coupled with the self loathing talk created by the constant overthinking in step one of the process leads me into a downward spiral of misery.

Thankfully, as I’m now so well practiced in this process (and have experienced a couple of pretty rotten rock bottom periods in my past as a result) I’m becoming more adept at asking for help.

So, yesterday I sent out one such cry for help and the response was a superbly timed  and well articulated virtual kick up the arse along with a mechanism of support to get me moving.

And it’s worked.  I’m writing this blog having actually done some work today that I’ve been stressing about all weekend and procrastinated around in spectacular fashion yesterday.  What’s more, I have a plan in place to do even more of that work later along with doing a couple of other ‘back on track’ tasks in the process (getting this blog written and published is one of such tasks).

Another back on track tasks is a plea (hence the parentheses in the title).  I’m really enjoying writing my blog and from the feedback you lovely readers are giving me you’re enjoying reading what I write.

But I have a problem.  I have an amazing quality readership of my blog, but quantity wise I’m rather lacking.

One of my hopes for the future currently spiralling around my head is to do more writing and maybe even make some money from it (It’s taken me 6 months to put that out there thanks to Norman and his views on my ability (or should we say lack of ability) in this area).   And to do this I need help.

Is there anyone out there who knows about and would like to help me with boosting my blog readership and possibly monetarising it?   I know there’s loads of stuff out there on the web about how to do this and how easy it is but the truth is I would rather not do it alone so am looking for a kind of blog buddy to work with me.

Is there anyone out there that knows about writing and publishing books and wants to help me get started? Or knows someone who does it for a living and would like to put me in touch?

Is there anyone that you think might enjoy reading my blog but maybe doesn’t know it exists? Can you point them in its direction?

Any help you can give me, no matter how small, is so so welcome and appreciated so please don’t be shy.

Now, got to get on – the next step in operation overcoming blind panic calls.





2 thoughts on “Blind Panic (and a plea)

  1. Hi Sara, have already done one of your requests, I was sitting on a plane last month and started talking to the girl next to me, who told me her mother was going backpacking to Vietnam, told her about your blog, as I guess the two cultures are similar. No 2 recommendation went to a friend last week who is also travelling to Vietnam in the New Year. I hope you are successful in finding a publicist as I have found your blog so entertaining on so many levels, and your use of words is magnificent.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for your kind words and support Liz – it really means the world to me
    Sara xxx


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